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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Over Confident? Hell Yeah! Got a problem with it?

You all probably read Over Confidence? Big Girl Shame? Um, No. but if you haven't you should.

Basically it talks about a couple articles that where...well I would call the articles flaming bags of poop on a good day when talking with friends but since I'm to nice for my own good, am trying to be objective/professional and I genuinely understand why they where written the way they where but disagree with it in big way I instead am going to do the adult thing and say, misdirected buy authors sucked into the warped vision that is our cultures body image problem. In the article it not only talks reasonably about what those two articles stated, basically about plus size women shoving themselves into smaller sizes and thinking their hot anyways and also another article on plus size women showing off to much skin on the beach but it also counteracts with why she thinks the articles are wrong and takes a strong but reasonable stance against the misguided messages of both the articles she's speaking of. I found this refreshing and had to add my two cents of coarse as to why I agreed with her...

"My Comment"

So here I am having had my two cents and well... was wondering what you thought about the issue, be you fat, skinny, tall, short... whatever...Heck, even guys can chime in cause while issues like body image and society's standards may be prevalent in the female lifestyle its also an problem with men to. So read the questions, click on the links for related topics, think about it, and leave a reply if you want.

1) Do you feel shame in your body?

2) What do you do to try to reinforce your body confidence?

3) Are some people just not meant to wear shorts or bare arms?

4) Whats more sexy? Someone who have confidence and bares skin or someone who has no confidence and covers all?

5) Dose having fat or cellulite really mean not being allowed to be confident in your body as society dictates?

6) Why is it not considered ok for a "Fat" or "Obese" person to be seen as attractive to slimmer people in our society? (My Size Shouldn’t Determine Who I Date) Why dose skinny even have to be a standered to determine beauty? and do you think its the way it should be?

7) Are you willing to flaunt a bare arm or bare legs or even a bare belly?

8)Do others perceive you as sexy when you don't think your sexy? Do you see yourself as sexy and others perceive you as not? Why do you think that is? Is it a size or culture issue?

9) Do you have Blah days / "Ugly Days" ? How do you get over it?

10) Why is it that society seems to think its ok for skinny models to exist despite studies showing anorexia linked to all this social pressure caused buy media of unrealistic altered images that make skinny models (who may be healthy/naturally skinny or might in some cases be anorexic) impossibly skinny to the point of not being possible in Real Life unless it was a dead skeleton but have problems with the plus size model movement cause "it might cause obesity to become accepted" when most plus size models are actually average size/healthy and not even close to obese?

11) Whats so wrong with having curves and looking/dressing sexy? Like this, or this, or this.

My Answers and Me in my bare arm/leg/belly glory... 
And Dang Proud of It!

1) I sometimes feel shame about my body, but mostly shame that I don't have the self control necessary to loose what weight I need to get rid of for my health (doctor says half my weight, i disagree cause I know my underlying body shape, I can get down to a size 10 with incredible luck but I wouldn't look very good at that size. The size I need to be is actually probably size 12-18, I'm currently a 20). I also have frustration that my body in all its chubby glory is not the body I see myself having in my mind... a body that yes, is curvy but is not apple shape but rather closer to the hourglass I would love to have but am unable to obtain since even at my skinniest I'm rather boxy (no waist). But I try to over come these issues because living with frustration, self hate, and a warped view of yourself is not healthy.

3) I don't think so, to generalize and say "a person cant wear this cause their..." is not the greatest thing. Theirs lots of times when something can work and look great on a person if they make the effort to find the rite one and find the rite fit. Are their people I would prefer I hadn't seen in shorts? Yeah, but theirs also people kissing and hugging on each other in public and while loving someone is awesome and nice its not something that people always want to see... So sometimes its best just to keep certain things where its appropriate. Those short shorts? Fine at home, at the beach, at a water park... but when you start wearing shorts that are a size to small to the office or to a nice restaurant... well I wouldn't want to eat across from you while you hang out your shorts. As for bare arms? Why not? A little arm jiggle is not as noticeable as you think.

4) While covering it all can be sexy in itself I find that lack of confidence tends to show. So in truth, a  girl who wears next to nothing but has no confidence and a girl who covers up but has no confidence tend to disappear in a room while a girl who has confidence no matter what she wears is often the center of attention and considered sexy. The same thing can be said about size... a skinny girl or a fat girl who doesn't have confidence will not get attention but a skinny or fat girl who dose have confidence will be the center of it all and considered the hottest girl in the room.

5) While every girl has a thing about fat and cellulite and I truly understand I also think we put to much important in the small stuff. I mean really who's going to eye up your dimple as you walk buy when your wearing a smoking hot outfit that makes everything else about you look sexy? See what I mean? Yeah, we nit pick ourselves and our self confidence to death and while society is to blame for part of it we as individuals have to realize that society isn't always rite. After all society in the 80's had bangs frizzed up into a poof worthy of a poodle. Is this rite? Well lots of people now would say no. But is it wrong? While lots of people now a days would say yes to be honest it isn't... its dated, but its not wrong. Society doesn't always change as fast as the people in it do... it's our jobs as individuals to recognize that and work to help change things for the better.

6) I think its sooo wrong that people think that fat people should only be considered hot by fat people. Come on! Time to grow up! Fat doesn't equal ugly and theirs plenty of attractive people who are skinny or fat that admire fat people. Trying to force such a perception is just as prejudice as saying only light skin is beautiful... its a bunch of BULL!

7) Heck yes! For one thing I'm one of those rare fat girls who is fat but sees themselves as skinnier. Call it wishful thinking but my imaginary self is between a 12-16 the real me? Size 20. Yeah, I know... weird, I need to work on that so I can actually make an effort to loose weight. I know perfectly well how fat I am but when I look down I see boobs from my angle... not tummy that everyone else can see LOL! For another, a person has to be positive about themselves and try things. If you don't experiment, if you don't say to heck with peoples opinions then you wont ever change or grow as an individual. Sometimes who we are is formed from our ability to force our way out of the box instead of trying to be another perfect in the box mentality. Don't mistake me, rules are great... in the box is needed sometimes. After all you need to know the boundaries and why they exist before you can waltz all over them!

8) Sexy is a matter of perception... everyones definition of what is sexy is different. Is their a base guideline in society that gets harped on constantly? Yes, I can't tell you how many times I was told I would never have a boyfriend if I didn't try to loose weight. Did I ever have issues finding a guy? Nope, not really. My own pickyness and my shyness when it came to romantic interactions caused me to be overlooked till I got the bravery to be me and go for it... then I could have well... not every/any guy I want but theirs a lot more guys out their who would be happy and lucky to have me if they had the chance. Unfortunately for them I'm taken... I have a boyfriend I love very much.

9) Yes I do, constantly. What you have to do is figure out what the real issue is and work to improve it.
When your griping about being fat is it really about not fitting in your jeans today or is it that your disappointed in your lack of self control when it comes to your diet? When your looking at yourself saying how ugly you are is it really cause you think your ugly or is it because you feel unappreciated and unnoticed? A lot of the time we blame ourselves for things but we use things like "fat" or "weight" to distract us from the real issue... the underlying mental/emotional issue that lead to us calling ourselves names and laying blame. Best way to get over it? Go out, do something that makes you feel good, be daring and step out of your comfort zone, and last of all try to fix the underlying issue.

10) This honestly blows my mind to be honest. I think theirs room in the fashion world for all parts of the spectrum. I have skinny friends and would not deprive them of their skinny models but I think that plus sizes should be shown more respect than what they currently have, they after all are actually healthy regular size people, having more curves than other models should not make them any less than what they are, beautiful women who can make clothing look like artwork on their bods.

11) I personally think its awesome! I hope I look half as good in my outfits!

   Me trying to get ready for my bra post pict. I didn't really want to show my shorts in this pict since it distracted from the look of the shot and I wasn't smiling yet since I wasn't ready so this pict got dumped in a folder and forgotten. I think I also deemed it not tasteful enough for the post since it showed all the bra and I didn't want issues with my work place at the time if they ever found/looked at my blog even though I'm covered far more in this pict than most people are in their swimsuits. Thats why I'm clutching the top... trying to figure out how to hide what brand of bra while still showing how the bra is suppose to fit.

Me and My boyfriend. Yes, that's me in my longest pair of jean shorts i still have... LONGEST! See the cellulite? See the chubby knee folds? See the belly looking like its trying to escape? Do I care that I'm at the wrong angle to look skinnier? Do I care that my belt is showing off the thickest part of me? NOPE! I am hotness! So their *sticks out tongue*.

Me dressed in a mini dress for Nude Night Art show with my boyfriend as a valentines date. I wanted to be sexy and have fun so decided to go all out. Next time I wear it I might go with a shawl or jacket with it though, its one thing to show off skin I don't mind that, its another to show off a dozen things at once (lets see... boobs on display? check, arms? check, legs? check. LOL!) It was fun and I looked hot and perfect for the setting but sometimes worrying about if your dress is inching up or inching down is to much of an effort and pairing it with something else so to expose only one body part at a time will make it easier to wear in a more casual or more in the box type of setting. Still shocking for a plus size gal to some peoples minds since its a mini but it looks hot on me so they can just be shocked.

Pict of us at universal, had no idea my bellybutton decided to join the photo LOL! I loved this outfit cause it was casual and comfortable and I just love having matching pink sometimes. Don't know why, I just do.

Me with my friend and her son. I look semi decent... would have been better with a white tank top and a good bra but it was a long trip to see her, a girl has to be comfortable. I still miss that jean skirt *sigh* unfortunately it got a hole in it plus it was getting to short since I gained a size.

I was going to post more  recent/better Pict's of me in skin showing outfits but...I'm out of batteries for the camera and my cell phone, well... I tyred... the Pict was kinda crappy lighting sucked and I was all scrunchy eyed from the sun in my face. Sorry. Am posting some old picts instead. Not my favorite outfits in the world... well no actually I love the mini dress and I miss the plaid shorts I don't have anymore, oh and the purple top is one of my favorites for layering. The outfits themselfs are eh... but mostly cause of how casual some of the picts are like the amusement park ones so I didn't really dress anything up or make to much of an effort, so this is what plus sized and showing skin with no effort looks like, Imagine how good it would look if I put more thought into it LOL!

One of these days I will actually post some picts of outfits that took effort and that I put together on my "lets look hot today" moods. Unfortunately this weekend isn't it since we got some kids in the house. Shorts and tshirt fine but I aint wearing my sexy dress up clothing and taking picts with kids running around.

Me- "Confidence is a roller coaster, it has ups and downs but you cant hit the high points if you don't get on the ride."


  1. You know whats funny about this... While I look at the picts I have no problem with them but since they are picts of outfits that I wear in supper casual settings where I don't feel like putting the effort I now am getting anxious when I don't look at the page/blog post cause I think people think this is me actually trying to be sexy in skimpy clothing and really just being like "eh" when its not me trying to be sexy or cute. *rolls eyes* See? Even stupid stuff can give you a down turn in your confidence. So I'm going to leave even the two picts that are iffy or blah to me up just to try to kill that stupid voice in my head. It's called exposure... the more I see it the more I will accept it for what it is instead of making a big fuss over it.

  2. I know TK. I've seen your awesome outfits. I understand these are casual everyday outfits.

    I am pretty skinny and I still feel body shame. However, I have come a long way from my old self. I can now look in the mirror and see skinny sometimes, instead of always picking apart my reflection.

    The transformation came from the way I dress my body and realizing my body adapts to me eating. When I started getting into fashion, I really was acting as if I was confident and felt good about my body. I didn't. I hated my body. I had actually suffered with body dysmorphism and eating disorders for more of my life than I did not. But I started feeding my body and I did not blow up. I appreciated what my body did for me and I pretended I felt good about myself and the way I looked. I put a lot of effort into my clothes. People saw my "confidence" and it made me look even better to them. I became more and more confident for real and that confidence with my style is what makes me turn heads. It is not my size. (I was uglier and more invisible 30 lbs lighter). It is my style, my confidence and my love of fashion, my look and now my body.

    This can happen to/for anyone. Skinny people can be ugly. Fat people can be sexy. Confidence does make a huge difference. The other part is dressing the body you have in the best way you can.

    The amount of clothing does not make a person sexy or unattractive either. It can't be bare skin for the sake of bare skin and as I have said, confidence will win over bare skin. Believing you are sexy makes you sexy.

    But please everyone, also look in the mirror and dress your body it's best.

    When I am feeling blah or fat or ugly I force myself to put on one of the outfits I know makes me look my best and then add a little makeup. It's a real pick-me-up. So will be the reaction of others.

    Models...hate them. Part jealousy, as much as I never want to go back to my eating disordered self. Part righteous indignation. Why aren't models more like a 6-10? What is the point of making clothes that look good on board flat and rail thin models? If I want to know how clothes look on models, see how they look on the hanger. I, however, would love to see clothes fitting a normal skinny woman and normal plus size women (not the skinny plus size models either). At the very least, ready to wear collections should be shown on women with curves!


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